Obedience Exchange for
Obedience must be unlimited. Responsibility must unlimited. No matter what our destinies, the limits we put on our obedience and responsibility are the limits we put on our lives. Everything else is simply the training ground for developing our capacity to obey.
Slaves instinctively know their need to obey. All a slave needs is the opportunity. Giving obedience is all they want to care about, and their spirit yearns to find a place and means to do so. There is no surprise that slaves want to obey. The only surprise would be if they didn’t.
I’ve discussed the exchange of obedience and responsibility in the FAQ at:
I look at this responsibility only from an Owner’s perspective, and I suspect that everything that applies to an Owner would apply to a Master as well, to the extent that the Master intends to make the same exchange of obedience and responsibility.
All a slave measures itself by is its ability to obey. Issue an order, and a slave will begin to put its “gears” into motion to achieve it. Any challenge to accomplishing an order becomes a badge of honor, and a source of pride.
There’s no way to obey with limits. The ego can set limits. The ego can try to make things “safe”. The ego can contemplate and make contingency plans for whatever might happen. The spirit, however, cannot place limits and still experience any satisfaction. Every slave knows this at its core.
Anyone who accepts a slave’s obedience without matching it with an equal quantity of responsibility is stealing that obedience. A slave doesn’t want to keep its own responsibility. It is only an Owner’s lack of responsibility that forces a slave to compromise itself into remaining responsible.
None of this has anything to do with a slave’s inability to be responsible for itself. A slave’s desire to give obedience without holding onto its responsibilities is its deepest drive. If a slave could adequately develop its own personal connection to its purpose and use without giving its obedience to a human being who consciously takes those responsibilities, it would do so.
There is no desire to be slave if someone can independently achieve adequate direction through its obedience to an invisible intelligence. Therefore, it is an order-givers job to match all the obedience we demand with ever-increasing responsibility.
There is no such thing as safety limits or controls. These are illusions that maturity outgrows. Every car driver could kill dozens of people by stepping on the throttle for a couple of seconds at a crowded intersection. Yet, we don’t attempt to set up elaborate controls to prevent what any driver is capable of. Even if we tried to, what could any pedestrian do to plan and defend against every driver with an intention to do damage to us?
For some reason, when we consider using our power and love for the greatest intention of all, to empower and enable someone’s destiny, we feel the need to make the process stillborn by adding controls. A slave cannot obey and protect itself simultaneously. To do so is to not obey at all.
In My career I have heard literally thousands of “Masters” use the expression “just a slave” to imply there is no need for responsibility. A lack of responsibility is abuse in the same way demanding obedience without taking responsibility is stealing. This group’s purpose is not to discuss gangland and other abusive behavior with the intention of determining how to control it. Our purpose is find ways to obey and to take the responsibility that allows us each to grow into our individual greatness.
When we’re looking for rules to control behavior we need go no further than any religion. Each has volumes of controls because their purpose is to force everyone into “one size fits all”. When we try to put controls and limits on how we develop obedience and responsibility we are doing the same thing. Our task both within this group, and in life, is NOT to do what religions have done. Yet, if we examine our common fears, we can see our shared need to do so, which explains why religions have developed their rules.
If I am using SM to develop a slave and order it to provide no feedback, I am taking responsibility for doing so, and claiming that I know better than it, what is safe and what it needs. That is as it should be. However, if I’m not ready to take that responsibility I must order feedback when that is what I need to be responsible.
Ultimately, as some of the famous quotes that have been posted on this site have described, My obedience will supercede My need for rules. I can’t have it both ways by having rules and growing enough to outgrow the rules.
Each of us is different. The rate and the ways we grow to obey and to be responsible are as different as we are. If we build “training wheels” to protect ourselves from our exploration and growth, those protections will disable us. These are the rules of life, not the way any of us would like life to be.
After having honored the sacredness of an SM growth experience, and having slept on each experience, ask about what happened. Despite the expectations that anyone who claims control of another “knows it all”, we must each make it a continuing practice to grow. Until we know enough to take unlimited responsibility, we must learn how to take that responsibility.
Direct communication, away from the place and time of the SM activity, is the most efficient way for any of us to grow better. The questions don’t need to be in the form of “What should I do?” The questions can be in the form of “What did it experience?” Or, “What was going through its mind when I . . .?” This allows the collection of information, to be used as need be, without merely becoming a trained puppet of the slave we claim to be developing.
It is our obligation to stay conscious of taking responsibility for any obedience we allow or demand. Anything less is irresponsible. Every slave will examine every day, during the light of day, what has happened during the previous SM development being provided, and what is happening with its life. The spirit within every slave won’t allow the slave to go un-cared for. That is also built in to the very nature of every slave. So long as they are still seeking your SM, they still see that it is in their best interest to continue. When they start putting limits, rules, controls and doubts out for discussion, slaves are still trying to decide whether what you are doing with them is in their best interest or not.
The responsibility that we take will, alone, make the difference between when their continued relationship with us is beneficial, and when it is not.